Slovenia

#12 Slovenia – Lake Bled, Piran, Ljubljana – July 2023 – Age: 29

New group of pals this time. Quite the mix of reprobates. We’ve got big Dom, or DTH – my close friend from primary school – reconnected post uni. We’ve got Felix, also from primary school – the three of us were inseparable at school. Felix and I in fact both sang ‘Hey Baby, I wanna know…’ in pursuit of the same girl once. She rejected us both, obviously. Very curious method of courting a girl, to sing, in harmony, yet in competition… Anyway… moving swiftly on. We then have Jon T, and Tim, friends with Felix through secondary school; we also all have family homes very close to each other so we get sloshed around Christmas time together. Then there is Andy, the maverick – loose cunt – cleans up with the ladies and makes us all look good when we discover they’re at university, and definitely don’t conform to the age old rule of “half your age + 7”.

First off, we hit Lake Bled. We hired a car and drove through the Slovenian countryside which was beautiful. Low rolling hills and wide open prairie-like lands; a tranquil place filled with a wonderful calm, unassuming ambience. Those poor locals – unbeknownst to them, their peace would be short-lived, only to be replaced and destroyed by some unruly British C***s. Felix kindly opted to drive. We arrived in Bled after a pitstop to pick up Andy and our first taste of Slovenian Lager. I can confirm the lager tasted like lager. 

Everything was going to plan – we did all the usuals, strolled around the lake, hired a couple of boats, rowed to the central island with beer running through our veins by about 2pm. We were privileged enough to be asked to film a proposal which was very cute. Well worth a visit. 

We also ventured up the hill south of bled and took the helter skelter down the hillside which, despite my skepticism was so worth it. The view is stunning and it’s a good laugh for not too much money. 

Then we get to the night out. Calm at first. Tins back at the AirBnB and run-off from the days drinking had us all on a good level (apart from Jon – whining about some stupid bint called Fuckface, or something like that, the whole holiday). We went to what was seemingly the one late club in Bled. Nothing much to report here – we probably had a bit of a boogie, chatted some shit, Andy probably found the only 20 year old from Essex / Peterborough and shagged them behind the bins out back – the usual shit. 

The walk home was somewhat more eventful and unpredictable. We were walking in a classic V formation chatting shit, as lads often do when 25 + units deep. We approach another group of lads; they sound local. We don’t engage and sidle on past in relative silence, chests and arms held broad in case of enemy contact. 

Dom, Andy and I (the more sensible ones), pretend to chat about something esoteric – the latest endeavours of the PM at that time with regards to property prices in London… or Saka’s placement in Arsenal’s latest formation change. Either one, I can’t recall. Suddenly, a ruckus! 

Tim, Jon, or Felix (to this day, I don’t know) has decided to engage. I’ve missed it but shit has escalated and as I look down the hill with Dom and Andy, shock upon our faces, Felix has his trousers down, mooning the enemy; a slight on their culture? Or just lads being c***s? I don’t know what has happened. 

Suddenly, it’s like the Battle for Britain, but with drunken f**kheads, instead of heroes in planes. Our boys are gallantly fleeing (lol) with the, unfortunately, quicker, Slovenian Messerschmitts in hot pursuit. The melee begins and there’s a lot of missed punches and shouting. Andy with the actual only display of heroism that evening, sees someone get poleaxed and to his credit races down the hill and gets some c*** in a full nelson before trying to calm everyone down. Unfortunately, good guys finish last, and some sneaky Slovenian c**t – the ring leader, I think, from behind, hits Andy in the head. At this point, Dom and I, having looked at each other, smirked, and continued to pontificate over the finer points of British politics… or was it Arsenal? … decide this is a step too far, or so I thought. I race down the hill and tackle this c*** to the floor and hold him steady, before trying to add a voice of reason and break things up. As it calms down, it becomes apparent to me that what I had thought was Dom’s supportive war cry, was in fact Dom repeatedly shouting ‘I’m a lawyer, I could lose my job’ still 50 meters back up the hill. Smart man. Everyone engaging in that kind of reprobate behaviour is a fool.  

Thank you Lake Bled. Very eventful. We drifted back to the house ready for a debrief, more beers before an early start to Piran in the morning. 

Next stop was Piran for what we were hoping was a nice little relaxing coastal retreat. 

I’m sorry to tell you that Piran was exactly what we hoped. No Battle of Britain 2 here. It’s a very quaint little coastal town, with a gorgeous Marina and some nice little marine-side spots. We had some nice cocktails, near a live band, and chilled on the beach, had a little dip and generally recovered from what had been a rather fuckhead first two nights in Bled. Well worth a visit for a day or two but perhaps more a couple location / beach holiday than what we were looking for. A perfect mid-session interval though – thank you Piran! 

Ljubljana (check spelling) was for the last night. We didn’t get much of a chance to explore, but what we did explore in the old town was very beautiful. It’s pedestrianised streets, running alongside the river with lovely cafes, bars and restaurants buzzing with young energy. 

We had some banging food at a local bar and quite a few drinks – the aperols were out at this point – probably beered out. After dinner, a bottle of wine landed on our table in front of Andy. Who knew? It was from the admiring girls across the other side of the restaurant. They came and joined. I recall us largely ignoring them and leaving Andy to his thing. It was only when we heard “We get our high school grade results tomorrow” that we all burst out laughing. Andy mate… we’ll leave you to it. 

Later than night, Dom, Felix and I found some cannabis from a legitimate shop. Who knew? I think Tim and Jon remained with Andy for “moral support” or maybe fancied their chances. You’ll have to ask them. We did a little night time walking tour which was a delight, chatting shit and exploring all the main sites before meeting up again with the others who I think had hit some Pirate themed nightclub with mostly 20-23 year olds. Some boys just want to remain in Neverland. I can’t remember much of the night out due to four days of constant inebriation leaving me with inevitable brain fog but I was sad to go home. 

Would definitely go back and experience this beautiful country more but not for a while; too emotionally scarred from the Battle for Britain.